~| 1 : 3 3 a m |~



Its 1:33am

I was trapped in a house full of people today
I tried to shut it out,
But it was always there, even when quiet

I shut myself away, and barred the door,
The only way I knew how
I took three showers,
Because no one bothers me,
and even if they do,
i can pretend i don't hear them
at all

Then in blessed relief
i dress myself.
three time i did this, just to be alone
three times
because I wanted someone else
and all of these people
reminded me in multiples
that she
was not here.

three times
a magic number... even now
I believe this because it worked

on the third time,
the phone rang...
I was soaked, naked
and my hair plastered all over
my back and chest and face
getting in my mouth
its too much
and someone else answers the phone
towel in one hand
underclothes and telephone in the other
I utter "hello..."
but too late
she's gone.
and now water is sprinkled all over the place
I tie my hair
and let it hang down my back
tickling the base of my spine
with droplets of water.

I heave a sigh,
and dial her number...
...please answer...

I always have this fear
of catching someone at a bad time
when they are busy
or when they would rather be
doing something else
"No." she assures me
"its a good time
i wanted to talk to you..."

My smile is uncontrollable
so much that it hurts a face
not so used to smiling

and the magic number three
secures the space
for a while as we talk
and i listen to her breathe
between her words
for a blessed bit we are alone,
even with the noise from the other rooms.

in the space of an hour
my heart is transformed
no less than a hundred times
by her words
I am smiling and red-eyed
happy, yet hurting,
and completely hers

and the the inevitable happens
a pounding on my door.
"What are you doing in there?"

i close my eyes and whisper
that i have to go now
"I'm getting dressed" i say aloud
to appease the trolls at my door
the tommy-knockers knocking

my voice is quiet as i finish
because i feel too much
for my own good
and control is hard
but i manage
and the last sound she makes is
"goodbye"
and it brushes my heart,
and twists my stomach.

but i know there will be later
and i am endlessly patient,
endlessly passionate,
and endlessly desiring her

now my house is empty
so quiet,
and here i sit
1:40am now
seven minutes later
and i am strangely sad
nothing bad
just quietly melancholy
like a sigh
and thinking of her...


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